Chapter 18: Shadowing

The broadcast played a gentle yet overly sweet love song, with an unfamiliar male singer and a female singer dueting on ambiguous and hazy emotions. Hearing what Qin Ruonan said, An Changpu merely glanced at her without saying a word, leaving only the music echoing inside the car.

The car's air conditioning was not set very high, but when the vehicle was parked downstairs from An Changpu's apartment, Qin Ruonan shifted her body and realized she was sweating profusely, the back of her shirt practically plastered to her skin.

Had she not been driving just moments before, she would have wanted to raise her hand and slap her own mouth. Perhaps her mouth was innocent, and the real culprit deserving of punishment was her own brain—why had she so thoughtlessly blurted out what was in her heart?

Just imagine, even among classmates, after a lapse of seven or eight years, who would remember so clearly that a regular old acquaintance had once injured an ankle, remembering even down to the very cause of the injury?

Even with the rare gift of a photographic memory, when it came to anyone else, Qin Ruonan could only vaguely recall that during a certain test, some male student had suffered a minor arm fracture, though his name had long since faded from her memory.

Only care and concern could cause a person to engrave every insignificant detail into their heart and keep dwelling on it.

It would be one thing to simply remember, but to accidentally blurt it out today—would An Changpu also think her attention toward him was overly abnormal? If he noticed, would she still be able to face him and get along with him with such feigned nonchalance as she did now?

The more Qin Ruonan thought about it, the guiltier she felt, wishing she could instantly jump out of the car, dig a hole in the ground, and bury herself.

"Actually, thinking about it, I really feel quite ashamed," An Changpu, who had been silent for a while, suddenly spoke up again. He looked at Qin Ruonan, his face filled with guilt. "You know, we were classmates, and you even remember that I strained my ankle during my sophomore year and left me with a chronic problem. I spent the whole way here thinking about it, only to realize I know nothing about your past, and can't recall a single thing."

Qin Ruonan forced a rather stiff smile. When the man she had loved for so many years tells her to her face that he has zero impression of her, the feeling is akin to an ice-cold blade slowly piercing the chest—freezing and painful. It was cold enough to make her shiver, yet that very numbness deadened the pain.

"Some people have good memories, others bad; it's just natural. You can't compare to me." Qin Ruonan tried to end the topic with a joke, terrified that her words would sound as ice-cold as her heart felt at that moment.

"Don't underestimate me. My memory isn't that bad either. If you don't believe me, just wait and see. Starting from today, I'm going to deepen my understanding of you, and who knows, maybe one day I'll become a dark horse!" An Changpu said, half-joking and half-serious.

"If you have that kind of spare time, you'd better direct your attention toward the right person—like trying to understand Tao Yinyin more."

An Changpu smiled faintly and let the comment pass.

"Do you want me to help you upstairs?" Qin Ruonan asked.

"No need, there's an elevator. You can drive my car back. Taxis aren't easy to find around here, and there are no direct buses." An Changpu calculated and told Qin Ruonan.

"Alright, then I'll drive over to pick you up tomorrow morning!" Qin Ruonan didn't refuse. For one thing, the recovery rate of An Changpu's ankle was uncertain, and someone would indeed need to pick him up tomorrow morning. For another, after the series of minor episodes tonight, she urgently needed to get away from An Changpu and spend some quiet time alone to adjust her emotions.

An Changpu carefully got out of the car. Before closing the door, he held up the plastic bag containing his medicine, smiled, thanked Qin Ruonan, closed the door, waved goodbye, and watched as she drove away before slowly walking back toward his building.

On the drive home, Qin Ruonan's nerves remained tightly wound. Although she was out of An Changpu's sight, sitting inside his car felt as though he were still right beside her, causing his probing gaze to repeatedly surface in her mind, followed by another wave of palpitation.

Qin Ruonan parked the car by the roadside, rested her head against the headrest, closed her eyes, and regulated her breathing, hoping to calm her racing mind.

Her current situation was running further and further counter to her initial expectations and subsequent thoughts, Qin Ruonan thought with vexation. When she first reunited with An Changpu, she had been annoyed with herself for still harboring lingering feelings after all this time, wanting to force herself away from him. Later, their harmonious interactions had rekindled a faint spark of hope in her heart, making her stop resisting and rejecting the time spent with him, intending to let nature take its course and give her own unyielding heart another chance.

Yet later on, the appearance of the pretty and fashionable Tao Yinyin had clearly made up her mind to tidy away her feelings before her self-respect suffered yet another blow, contenting herself honestly with the position of a friend or colleague to avoid ending up in the tragic plight of self-humiliation.

Having made up her mind, she had always been careful to maintain a lukewarm distance in her interactions with An Changpu, terrified that their relationship would appear too intimate. She had thought she was doing a decent job, but just moments ago, the slip-up she had nearly made and the ambiguous atmosphere lingering between their words had thrown her into a panic.

To say she was afraid of exposing her feelings purely to avoid interfering with An Changpu and Tao Yinyin's relationship would be entirely disingenuous. That consideration existed, but it was only a fraction of it; what Qin Ruonan thought of more was self-preservation.

Despite her never-say-die, competitive personality, when it came to matters of the heart, she was forever insecure, cowardly, lacking in courage, and devoid of the ability to heal. Her fragile pride could not withstand further injury, which was why she preferred to conceal her feelings rather than ever dare to reveal them.

Should she start acting distant toward An Changpu starting tomorrow? But wouldn't that make it look far too much like protesting too much?

Or perhaps, to prove that her care for An Changpu was merely standard peer affection, she should buy breakfast for the rest of the serious crime unit tomorrow? But wouldn't that look equally deliberate?

Qin Ruonan irritably swept back the strands of hair hanging over her forehead that were slightly obscuring her vision. Her gaze fell upon the rearview mirror, reflecting her mid-length hair that was clearly poorly managed.

No wonder Cui Lidong had blurted out that her hair had grown. Ever since she went to that hair salon to get a cut, she had always kept a fresh, short hairstyle and had never grown it out. Yet simply because of that casual remark from An Changpu, she had actually entertained the notion of growing her hair long.

Qin Ruonan shook her head with a bitter smile, thinking to herself that she really was an absolute fool!

With that shake of her head, a figure abruptly jumped into her field of vision—it looked like Tao Yinyin. Qin Ruonan quickly sat up straight and turned her head to look out the car window. Indeed, she wasn't mistaken; the person walking along the pedestrian walkway was none other than Tao Yinyin!

An Changpu's home was in the opposite direction of where Qin Ruonan lived, and the mandatory route between them passed through a relatively bustling and lively district of City C. Qin Ruonan had been flustered earlier, fearing that her distraction would compromise driving safety, so she had casually pulled over on a street side with dense traffic. The vicinity was lined with small shops and a movie theater.

There was a constant stream of people coming and going on the sidewalk. Had it not been for the pink down jacket Tao Yinyin was wearing, Qin Ruonan might not have spotted her among the pedestrians at a single glance. Tao Yinyin had not noticed An Changpu's car parked by the road; she was holding a paper cup of hot drink in each hand, walking joyfully toward the movie theater.

A wave of subtle discomfort washed over Qin Ruonan. Putting aside the fact that this young woman had just watched her place medicine on An Changpu's desk and then shamelessly claimed all the credit, since she knew her boyfriend had injured his ankle, shouldn't she at least show some concern, ask after him, and keep him in her thoughts? How could she be skipping down the street buying drinks with such high spirits just a short while later?

She couldn't help fixing her gaze on Tao Yinyin, watching her head toward the cinema holding the two hot drinks. There were quite a few people entering and exiting the theater entrance, and combined with the pitch-black sky, the street lighting made things a bit hazy for Qin Ruonan. She could only see Tao Yinyin walk up to the entrance, stop, and a man—with his back turned toward Qin Ruonan—turn around to look at her. Tao Yinyin immediately handed over one of the hot drinks, the man accepted it, and the two of them walked into the cinema side by side.

Tao Yinyin going to the movies with a man? Qin Ruonan was greatly surprised, but a second later, she caught herself and scolded her own thoughts for being somewhat base. This was the twenty-first century; men and women could be simple friends who went to movies, ate out, and hung out together. It was no big deal.

Even so, she still felt a prickle of discomfort. She tried hard to make out what the man looked like, but couldn't see clearly. From their brief interaction and Tao Yinyin's profile, she could only vaguely tell that the man's attitude appeared somewhat haughty, while Tao Yinyin's posture and actions made her look like the more eager and enthusiastic of the two.

Forget it, stop letting your imagination run wild! She hadn't even cleared up her own mess yet! Qin Ruonan forced herself to rein in her thoughts. If she didn't keep a lid on it, she might actually find herself getting out of the car to sneak in after them, or simply staking out the roadside to see who exactly was with Tao Yinyin.

Who would have thought that when it came to matters concerning the person she loved, even someone as lacking in gossip as her could become possessed by the paparazzi!

Time to go, don't waste time here letting your mind wander! Qin Ruonan twisted the ignition key, and the engine roared and vibrated. Yet her hand lingered on the gear shift for a moment longer before she finally engaged reverse, slowly backed the car along the roadside, and parked it closer to the cinema entrance, cutting the engine once more.