Chapter 40: Liu Zheng, I Curse Your Ancestors

"Human, go screw yourself."

Accompanied by the shrill, piercing cry of the London plane tree, its leaves and branches withered rapidly. Deep wrinkles etched themselves across its face. Despite it being the height of summer, the tree seemed to have been plunged into the depths of winter.

"Hahaha!"

Liu Zheng laughed even louder than the tree had screamed. Favors were favors, and grudges were grudges. The plane tree had dug pits for him too many times; did it really think he didn't hold a grudge? Liu Zheng had brought the Hound of Tindalos here specifically to see if he could scare the tree and vent his frustrations. He hadn't expected the effect to be this potent.

"We're even now," he said with immense satisfaction.

"You stupid human, do you really think you're only harming me?" The plane tree’s expression of fury vanished, replaced by a sinister, eerie smile.

"What?" Liu Zheng sensed something was wrong.

Before he could react, the Hound lowered its head, staring at a patch of black soil. Buried beneath that soil, marked by a piece of tree bark, lay Natasha Marceau.

"Bravo! It looks like that box of moss you traded is going to waste," the plane tree gloated.

"Didn't you promise to keep it safe for me?"

"I promised to keep it safe, but only within the limits of my capabilities," the plane tree replied smugly. "It’s enough of a miracle that I survived in front of this dog; expecting me to drive it away is impossible, and the rules wouldn't force a tree to do the impossible."

Liu Zheng had always used the rules to trick the tree, but this time, it was finally the tree's turn to use the rules to entrap the human.

"Help me stop it, and I’ll give you another box of moss," Liu Zheng said decisively.

"You could give me a bottle of Vlad III, and it wouldn't matter. I truly cannot beat it," the plane tree refused to take the bait.

"Tindalos, return!" He tried to recall the Hound, but it ignored him completely. It was already a mercy that it hadn't eaten him; he shouldn't delude himself into thinking he was its master.

"Damn it, I’ve really made a clown of myself this time." Liu Zheng felt a rare sense of regret. Previously, his crises had been forced upon him by circumstances, but this time, he had brought it upon himself.

"I can hold out for one minute at most. If you can’t think of a way within that time, then consider yourself unlucky. I’ll tell every bird in existence about your glorious deeds so the whole world knows just how foolish you are! Hahaha!"

Amidst the plane tree's manic laughter, the Hound dug through the black soil, revealing the cage of roots beneath. Through the gaps, one could see the tiny coffin and the small corpse inside.

"Awoo!" The Hound let out a dissatisfied howl and tore into the roots. Roots harder than steel were like tofu under its sharp teeth, but for every root it bit through, another grew to replace it, temporarily holding the beast back.

"What can I even do?" Liu Zheng sighed. Even the plane tree could only take a beating, let alone him. He was just a tool accompanying the Hound on a walk; the beast wouldn't listen to a word he said.

Wait. Listen?

Liu Zheng suddenly recalled the two sentences spoken by the miniature person: "Tindalos is very generous to those it likes," and "Tindalos is a good dog."

How did wolves become dogs? He remembered a story from reality about a thin wolf in Hoh Xil that had been fed into a fat dog by tourists using custard pies; it was even said to have learned to roll over and expose its belly.

Liu Zheng opened his Legendary Delivery Box. Inside was a replicated portion of "Garlic Migo Brains." If the master loved the food, surely the pet would too? Gritting his teeth, he walked to the edge of the black soil. The plane tree’s face flashed with disappointment at the sight.

"Good dog, time to eat." Liu Zheng tapped his spoon against the plate, creating a crisp sound.

"Awoo?" The Hound stopped tearing at the roots and looked back, bewildered.

"Fresh brains, just like your master's," he tempted.

"Awoo~" The Hound let out a joyous cry and lunged toward Liu Zheng.

"Sit." The Hound sat obediently.

"Shake tentacles." The Hound extended a claw and sliced Liu Zheng’s tentacle into three segments... Fine, he’d pretend it wasn't on purpose. "Eat up, eat up."

Liu Zheng placed the tray on the ground. The Hound eagerly extended its tongue. Its hollow, tubular tongue pulsated, and the brains shrank at a visible rate until only a thin, dry husk remained.

"Awooooo~" The Hound let out a long howl. It was clear it had enjoyed the meal immensely. It rubbed its head against Liu Zheng’s face and then moved away from the area of black soil. Liu Zheng finally let out a breath of relief.

"Awoo?" The Hound raised a claw and pointed at the plane tree. The plane tree’s heart, which had just settled, rose again.

"Him? No, no, no. We aren't enemies. We’re all brothers; we were just joking earlier," Liu Zheng glanced at the tree with a mocking smile.

"Yes, yes, we’re all brothers," the plane tree simpered, nursing its anger but daring not to speak.

"Awoo." The Hound nodded as if it understood, then spat out a bone.

[Name: Tindalos Teething Bone (Disposable)]
[Type: Prop]
[Quality: Excellent]
[Effect: Throw it to summon a Hound of Tindalos for three minutes.]
[Note: Please be aware that the summoned entity may not necessarily be the real Tindalos.]
[Can be taken out of the instance: No]

A terrifying weapon. Liu Zheng happily picked up the bone.

"Awoo." Tindalos extended a claw and pointed at the bone whistle around his neck.

"Sigh, I knew there was no such thing as a free lunch." Liu Zheng sighed, unhooked the whistle, and handed it to the Hound. With the whistle, this teething bone would be a guided missile. Without it, the item became a portable nuclear warhead launcher—a "if we all go down, we all go down" scenario. While there was a chance to summon the actual Tindalos, the "Excellent" quality rating suggested the probability wasn't very high.

"Awoo~" Tindalos patted Liu Zheng on the shoulder and then dissolved into a cloud of mist.

"Finally finished the walk." He wiped away nonexistent cold sweat.

"Human, I’m going to kill you!" As soon as the Hound was gone, the plane tree attacked. Its face twisted, and countless roots and branches converged like the maw of an abyss.

"I’m going to throw it, okay?" Liu Zheng raised the bone.

"You wouldn't dare. That dog would eat you right along with me," the plane tree said with certainty.

"It doesn't matter. You’ll be there to keep me company in hell anyway. When I’m thrown into the oil cauldron, you can serve as the firewood," he said cheerily.

"Hmph, who wants to go to hell with you? Disgusting." The plane tree spat and retracted its roots.

"Don't be like that. I didn't expect things to turn out this way. I’ll get you another bottle of good wine later," Liu Zheng placated.

"Stop spouting nonsense. Don't think I don't know what kind of evil schemes you're cooking up," the plane tree wasn't buying it.

"I’ll get you two bottles."

"Fine, fine, two bottles it is," he conceded readily.

"Get lost, get lost! Seeing you is annoying. Stupid human." A root wrapped around Liu Zheng and gave him a violent shove. He was launched like a cannonball, landing two kilometers away.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch." Liu Zheng rubbed his battered rear end, wincing. "So temperamental. Do trees have periods too?"

He sat on the ground for a while, waiting for his tailbone to heal, then limped toward the restaurant.