Chapter 36: The Sprinkler Truck
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“I came from the mountains, carrying a sprig of orchid grass...”
A melodious song drifted over from afar.
The crisp voice of a child carried a faint metallic distortion through the cheap loudspeaker.
A blue-and-white water truck rolled slowly toward them, spraying slender streams of water along both sides of the street.
“You’re done for,” the French plane tree said suddenly.
“What makes you say that?”
“Water trucks are for cleaning up filthy things.”
Its face was full of malicious delight.
“And you’re the filthy thing.”
“Perfect, then. I haven’t had a bath in several days.”
Liu Zheng replied.
The rotten, vegetal stench emanating from him had grown stronger and stronger. He had no idea whether it was because he had not bathed, or because his very nature was changing.
“You still want to take a bath?”
The French plane tree let out several loud laughs.
A root burst from the ground and flung out the corpse of a gigantic mole.
The mole traced a long arc through the air and landed right beside the water truck.
High-pressure jets washed over its corpse, instantly stripping it down to a skeleton, and then reducing that skeleton to bone fragments.
“That’s very thorough cleaning.”
Liu Zheng swallowed.
“Just wait. When it cleans you, it’ll be even more thorough.”
The French plane tree cackled.
“Don’t think you can weather this just because you have Flesh Rebirth and a Legendary Disguise. That Astral Mole’s hide was far tougher than yours.”
“Then why aren’t those trees affected?”
He looked at the trees dripping wet from the spray.
“Because they’re public property. What are you?”
The French plane tree regarded him with disdain.
“I’m a deliveryman for the Blood Restaurant.”
“That identity won’t do you any good against a municipal employee.”
The French plane tree shook its leaves.
“Then if I can’t afford to provoke it, I can at least run away.”
“Run? Go ahead and try.”
Although he sensed something was wrong, Liu Zheng tried anyway.
But after running hard for several minutes, he discovered that the music was actually growing closer.
The water truck was now only a few hundred meters away.
Strangely, he could not see a driver.
“Stop wasting your energy. It’s already locked onto you.”
The French plane tree said,
“You might as well let me eat you. For the sake of our business partnership, I’ll leave you your head.”
Its smile was thick with malice.
“I can hide behind a tree.”
Liu Zheng looked toward the nearest roadside tree.
“Useless, useless.”
As if determined to drive him into complete despair, the French plane tree threw out another Astral Mole corpse.
This time, it tossed the body behind a photinia tree.
Several streams of water bent in midair, curved around the trunk, and struck the mole, replaying the same scene all over again.
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“What the hell? That works too?”
Liu Zheng was speechless.
“So we’re just ignoring physics altogether now?”
“How about this? Give me your disguise and your delivery box, and I’ll reluctantly save your life.”
The French plane tree spoke.
Clearly, this was its true objective.
“Then I really must thank you.”
Liu Zheng neither agreed nor refused. He simply stood where he was.
The French plane tree did not urge him. After all, once death was at his doorstep, he would accept sooner or later.
The water truck, endlessly playing “Orchid Grass,” drew closer and closer until it finally reached Liu Zheng.
Then it stopped.
The spray nozzle did not unleash a high-pressure stream. Instead, the valve closed.
Yet the French plane tree merely sneered.
Because this was not the water truck deciding to hold back. It was the calm before a volcanic eruption.
It secretly heightened its vigilance.
Even for the French plane tree, protecting Liu Zheng from the water truck would be no easy task.
At least one-third of its bark would certainly be lost.
Still, for the Legendary Deliveryman Set, it was all worth it.
“Are you still refusing? Human. Once it starts spraying, it’ll be too late.”
As if to prove the French plane tree’s words, the water tank gradually swelled, and the air around the vehicle warped from the heat.
Even from a great distance, Liu Zheng could feel the wave of heat rushing toward him.
It was as though the tank held not tap water, but boiling lava.
Facing the impending baptism of hell, he gritted his teeth and strode forward.
“Are you insane?!”
Under the French plane tree’s horrified gaze, Liu Zheng charged to the front of the water truck and lashed out with a tentacle.
The tentacle, covered in scaly skin, tore through the air with a series of sharp whistling sounds. Its momentum was astonishing.
But Liu Zheng knew perfectly well that this was nothing more than an ant trying to shake a tree.
Even with the aid of the Legendary Disguise, he could do no more than scratch the water truck’s paint.
“It’s over.”
The French plane tree sighed deeply.
Liu Zheng’s death was a minor matter. Its Legendary Collectible would be buried with him.
Smack!
A crisp sound rang out as the tentacle struck the cab window.
At the same time, a hundred-dollar bill slapped against the glass.
A blue-glowing hand appeared out of nowhere, passed through the window, took the bill, and vanished.
But the water tank continued to expand, only a little more slowly than before.
Liu Zheng understood at once.
One bill after another flew out, and the blue hand appeared again and again.
At last, the water tank shrank back to its original size.
The engine started, and the water truck continued on its way.
The music coming from the loudspeaker changed with it.
“Good fortune comes our way, good fortune comes our way; welcoming prosperity from every direction...”
“What the hell? That works too?”
The French plane tree stared in stunned disbelief, its mouth wide enough to swallow another Legendary Deliveryman.
“Even a water truck has to refuel.”
Liu Zheng replied languidly.
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He did not understand this bizarre world, but he understood government employees.
Even if it was only a vehicle, it still wanted the highest-grade gasoline available.
“Consider yourself lucky.”
The French plane tree spoke through clenched teeth.
“I’m leaving.”
Liu Zheng cheerfully prepared to depart.
Although the cost had been considerable, seeing the tree suffer a setback made it well worth the price.
“Wait! You still haven’t told me the clue about the delivery cap.”
The French plane tree hurriedly called after him.
“What clue?”
Liu Zheng asked in return.
“The clue about the delivery cap.”
“What delivery cap?”
“The cap belonging to the Legendary Deliveryman.”
“What deliveryman?”
“You little brat, you’re messing with me.”
After a fruitless exchange, the French plane tree’s expression darkened.
“You don’t seriously think you can get this information for free, do you? I spent more than a hundred thousand chips winning it.”
Liu Zheng looked at it as though it were an idiot.
Even a clay figure had three measures of temper, and Liu Zheng was a madman afflicted with Irritability Syndrome.
“How much do you want?”
The French plane tree asked irritably.
“You decide.”
He spoke generously.
He had never expected to get anything out of the tree. He had only wanted to vent his anger.
“Vile human.”
The French plane tree muttered as it rummaged beneath the black soil and pulled out a slip of paper.
“Name: Sick Leave Certificate (Single Use)”
“Type: Item”
“Quality: Fine”
“Effect: Grants three days of sick leave upon use.”
“Note: Did the company spend all that money to hire you to get sick?”
“Can it be taken out of the instance: No”
The palm-sized slip was covered in a string of messy, ghostlike scrawl. A red seal was stamped in the lower-right corner.
Outpatient Department, First Municipal Hospital.
“You had something this good and didn’t bring it out sooner?”
Liu Zheng cried out in surprise and delight.
Three days of sick leave were equivalent to one-fifth of a vacation voucher.
“That’s none of your business. Now tell me the clue.”
The French plane tree spoke arrogantly.
“All right. The demon casino boss said that the Legendary Deliveryman’s cap is in the hands of the Wolf Knight at the landfill.”
“It’s there? Then this is going to be difficult.”
The French plane tree fell into deep thought.
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