Chapter Thirty-One: The True Jester
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Soon, the bat-headed attendant brought over a takeout container.
It was an enormous transparent plastic box.
Liu Zheng placed the little girl inside. Her pale face was turned toward him.
She seemed to be smiling, yet seemed to be crying as well.
In silence, he took off his clown suit and draped it over the container.
“The Lucky Joker Card has expired.”
The system’s cold voice rang out.
“We’re screwed now. How are we supposed to win money without the Lucky Joker?” Oxhorse lamented.
“Who says you have to wear a clown suit to be a clown?”
Liu Zheng smiled.
“Hey, you there. Bring me a knife, and some needles and thread.”
He shouted toward the jellyfish-headed attendant.
“My name is Softfloat, damn it.”
The jellyfish-headed attendant finally lost its patience.
“Mm-hmm, whoever you are, hurry up, hurry up.”
Liu Zheng picked up a red chip and tossed it over.
“Right away. Just watch.”
The jellyfish-headed attendant immediately floated away.
Soon, it returned with a dinner knife and a sewing kit.
“A woman as beautiful as you must carry a mirror with her, right?”
Liu Zheng asked the succubus dealer.
“Very clever.”
The succubus dealer smiled and pulled a silver mirror set with a ruby from her bosom.
He looked into it. The face reflected there was even uglier than last time.
Every rebirth of flesh brought him farther from being human.
Liu Zheng smiled and shoved the dinner knife into his mouth.
One cut, then another.
With brisk, decisive strokes, he sliced open the healing mouthparts once more.
Then he threaded the needle through his upper palate and drove it into his temple.
He tied a dead knot, pulling the corners of his mouth high upward.
He grinned maniacally.
“Still not enough?”
Liu Zheng muttered to himself.
He heard no notification from the system.
With another slash, he split open one of his tentacles, and blood gushed out.
He rolled the tentacle across his face again and again until his entire face was dyed crimson.
Everything except his mouthparts.
“Beautiful lady, lend me some of your foundation.”
Liu Zheng tossed over another red chip.
“It’s yours.”
The succubus dealer generously pushed a box toward him.
It, too, was set with rubies and was obviously worth a fortune.
Liu Zheng opened the box and raised an eyebrow.
Inside was a boxful of white metallic powder.
“Lead powder? That’ll do.”
He plunged his mouthparts straight into the lead powder.
A sharp, sour taste assaulted his palate.
After wiping away the excess powder, Liu Zheng looked into the mirror.
A blood-red face, a deathly white mouth, and a grin stretched all the way to his ears.
“The Lucky Joker Card has taken effect.”
The system notification sounded.
“I’m incredible.”
He nodded in satisfaction.
Oxhorse, meanwhile, stared at him as though he were insane.
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“Deal the cards.”
The succubus dealer glanced at Liu Zheng and dealt the fifth community card.
The ten of diamonds.
Leavened Dough stared at the card, its doughy surface rising and falling faintly.
There were already four diamonds on the table. As long as that human had a single diamond, he could make a flush.
Although it held three queens, the odds of completing four of a kind were extremely low.
But Leavened Dough was unwilling to fold.
It had already thrown six black chips into the pot. Folding now would mean losing everything.
“Could you be a little faster? I’ve waited till my hair’s gone gray.”
Liu Zheng spoke indistinctly.
“Not calling.”
After hesitating for a long while, Leavened Dough finally chose to fold.
It did not have a full house. Its earlier behavior had merely been a bluff against Liu Zheng.
“If you’re such a coward, stop making pancakes and go make steamed buns instead.”
Liu Zheng sneered.
“I—”
“Were you about to say you had a straight flush?”
Oxhorse cut in.
“You’re stealing my line now?”
Liu Zheng flew into a rage.
“The moment you open your mouth, I know exactly what kind of crap you’re about to spew.”
Oxhorse burst out laughing.
“When we get back, I’ll take a dump right into your mouth. All in.”
Liu Zheng shoved all his chips forward.
“Not calling.”
A gambler in a hooded sweatshirt, his entire face hidden beneath a veil of mist, discarded his cards.
Leavened Dough, the kobold, Screwhead, and the Mist Man all folded. Only Eelhead remained.
“Ace of diamonds, I have. I, don’t believe, you’re higher.”
When both players had flushes, the higher card determined the winner. With an ace, Eelhead had the highest possible flush.
Unless Liu Zheng truly had a straight flush.
But Eelhead was not worried in the slightest. It still had one hole card capable of blocking Liu Zheng’s winning hand.
“Tomorrow, I’ll, order takeout.”
Eelhead’s gaze was as cold and ruthless as a viper’s.
After winning so much money, it would have more than enough to order delivery by name.
“I’m afraid you’ll eat yourself to death.”
Liu Zheng shot back.
But everyone could hear that he was putting on a brave face.
“I want to raise.”
“That handsome gentleman has already gone all in.”
The succubus dealer shook her head.
“He still has, chips.”
Eelhead looked toward Liu Zheng.
“I bet, your, flesh.”
Eelhead opened its mouthparts, drool spilling out.
Tomorrow, it would be able to eat Liu Zheng—but it was not certain to get his “flesh.”
“Then put up more money.”
Liu Zheng sneered.
“Fine.”
Eelhead pushed another thirty black chips forward.
“Handsome, are you calling?”
The succubus dealer asked.
When Liu Zheng saw that Eelhead had truly raised, a trace of cold sweat appeared on his forehead.
“Weren’t you being so bold? Go on, keep acting tough.”
Leavened Dough taunted him.
“You already folded. What the hell are you talking about?”
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Liu Zheng fired back.
“If you’re so damn good, call the raise.”
“Call!”
“Call!”
The other gamblers began shouting as well.
Their gazes, open or concealed, remained fixed on Liu Zheng like predators watching a piece of rotting meat.
“Maybe you should let it go. Having no money is still better than having no life.”
Oxhorse tried to persuade him.
“I want the money, not my life. I call!”
Liu Zheng growled viciously.
“Your, flesh, belongs to me.”
Eelhead let out a sharp, shrill laugh as it revealed its hole cards.
The ace of diamonds and the nine of diamonds.
Oxhorse’s expression darkened.
With that nine of diamonds, Liu Zheng no longer had any chance of making a straight flush.
“I can’t save you this time. But I can help carry that coffin outside and bury it.”
Oxhorse pointed toward the takeout container at Liu Zheng’s feet.
“Thank you.”
Liu Zheng was genuinely touched.
“You did call me boss once, after all.”
With sympathy, Oxhorse patted him on the shoulder.
“But that really isn’t necessary.”
Liu Zheng shook off Oxhorse’s hoof.
“Ladies and gentlemen, a straight flush!”
Laughing wildly, he slapped his hole cards onto the table.
The gamblers let out disdainful chuckles.
Everyone knew that a straight flush was impossible.
But in the next instant, their laughter vanished as though invisible hands had closed around their throats.
Liu Zheng’s hole cards were unmistakably—
the eight of hearts and the eight of clubs.
“You did it again?!”
Oxhorse shot to its feet and slammed the table.
“Hey, you knocked the chips down.”
Liu Zheng complained.
“Oh, sorry, sorry.”
Oxhorse hurriedly crouched down to gather the chips.
“Stupid human.”
The other gamblers cursed as they grumbled away from the table.
Playing cards with a lunatic like this was no fun even when you won.
And losing was even more sickening.
“I will, wait, for you.”
Eelhead gave Liu Zheng a long, penetrating look before leaving as well.
“Hahaha! I made a killing! I made a killing!”
Oxhorse stared at the mountain of chips and laughed more miserably than it cried.
It still was not enough for retirement, but it was more than enough to flee the restaurant.
“Impressive. Very impressive.”
Applause sounded from the side.
A demon carrying a wineglass walked over and sat down opposite Liu Zheng.
“Let’s have a wager.”
It smiled as it spoke.
This time, Oxhorse cried even louder than it had laughed.
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